I was trying so hard to keep my post-election buzz going, consciously ignoring the fact that Rumsfeld - one of only two "inner circle" Bushistas not somehow involved with the Iran-Contra Affair (along with that sexy minx Condi Rice) - was being replaced by an alleged accomplice to several Neocon-spiracies, Robert M. Gates. But whatever. Bush appointments are at least predictable, and it's not like Gates is a full-blown Sith Lord like John Negroponte, Director of National Intelligence. Don't worry, be happy!

Then I noticed this little tidbit on the cover of usually lightweight USA TODAY:

"US SEEKS BETTER TIES BY AIDING MILITARIES
By Barbara Slavin

Concern about leftist victories in Latin America has prompted President Bush to quietly grant a waiver that allows the United States to resume training militaries from 11 Latin American and Caribbean countries... The administration hopes the training will forge links with countries in the region and blunt a leftward trend.

...

A military training ban was originally designed to pressure countries into exempting U.S. soldiers from war crimes trials.... The White House lifted the ban on 21 countries, about half in Latin America or the Caribbean, through a presidential memorandum Oct. 2 to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. The training is conducted in the USA."


"All for one and one for all," says the SOA logo (the "one" is presumably the CIA). I especially like the un-subtle references to the Spanish Conquest and Christianity, both still kickin' ass 500 years later.


Specifically, training is conducted at the School of the Americas (SOA) at Fort Benning, Georgia, which has been charged by every left-leaning patriotic American worth his or her Che Guevara T-shirt of teaching Latin American military officers to maintain efficient police states, should the need arise. The Washington Post notes:

"Its graduates have included some of the region’s most notorious human rights abusers, among them Roberto D’Aubuisson, the leader of El Salvador’s right-wing death squads; 19 Salvadoran soldiers linked to the 1989 assassination of six Jesuit priests; Gen. Manuel Antonio Noriega, the deposed Panamanian strongman; six Peruvian officers linked to killings of students and a professor; and Col. Julio Roberto Alpirez, a Guatemalan officer implicated in the death of an American innkeeper living in Guatemala and to the death of a leftist guerrilla married to an American lawyer."

The SOA was closed in 2001 after it was discovered that "U.S. Army intelligence manuals used to train Latin American military officers at an Army school from 1982 to 1991 advocated executions, torture, blackmail and other forms of coercion against insurgents," which may sound familiar. It was replaced several months later by the Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation (WHINSEC), a "Spanish-language training facility for Latin American military and law-enforcement personnel," offering similar courses in the same buildings for students from Colombia, Bolivia, Venezuela and Nicaragua. Oh, and Costa Rica.

But wait! Costa Rica doesn't even have a military, right? Ahem. According to Richard Leonardi, Costa Rica uses its US$69 million military budget (and 2500 SOA graduates) to support the 23,000-person Costa Rican Civil Guard. "When Costa Rica’s troops were caught patrolling inside Nicaragua’s territory on the San Juan River in 1998," writes Leonardi, "their non-existent military was dressed in battle fatigues with M-16 attack weapons at the ready, and their camouflage motorboat sported a mounted-machine gun."

Throughout the 1980s, Costa Rica was also home to a handful of secret-ish US military bases that supported Contras fighting Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega. Who was, of course, just re-elected. Honduras, served by then-Ambassador John Negroponte, was also used as a base for US-backed insurgencies in Nicaragua, El Salvador and Guatemala, which could have been considered its own little "Axis of Evil," had Karl Rove been in charge of the soundbytes back then.

And last week, just in time for the Bush administration's drubbing, another Trinity of Latin Leftists became part of our current political vernacular: Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, Bolivian President Evo Morales, and despite fierce US-based opposition, Nicaraguan President-Elect Daniel Ortega.  Fidel Castro will of course be reprising José Martí's swashbuckling role as the Holy Spirit for the next 80 years.

I certainly understand why the Bush administration might want to fight democracy in Latin America. The recent mid-term elections have Bush Corp on the defensive; winning a war - any war at all - would revitalize their testosterone-saturated political base. But neither North Korea nor Iran looks like easy pickings these days, particularly now that they're backed by the superpower-sized muscle of China and Russia, respectively. A move toward either could potentially explode into an old-school atomic standoff that would make a suitcase nuke look like a Cambodian landmine.

So where, oh where, can our fearless leaders then reaffirm their divinely inspired will to power? Venezuela (pop 26 million) has oil money, a real military and a leader who would be more than willing to go out in a blaze of glory - can you say "quagmirific"? Bolivia (pop 9 million) is landlocked and mountainous, with the arid and all-but-impassable Andes regularly climbing above 3500m - scenic, like Afghanistan.

Nicaragua (pop 5.5 million), sandwiched between Honduras and Costa Rica, is relatively flat, with two broad, sandy coasts just three hours from the USA, conveniently keeping supply lines short. The impoverished nation is most certainly not nuclear; hell, they even decommissioned their rusty old stockpile of SAM-7 anti-aircraft missiles last time the USA threatened to cut off our desperately needed aid package. And, best of all, Nicaragua already has name-recognition among a US population that tends to learn geography only when we go to war. Think of how well President Ortega works in this tried and true soundbite: "[Insert country or leader of choice] hates your freedom!" Forgive me for being a bit nervous.


Remember, leftists: The best way to pack your protests with party people is to advertise the live music, rampant drug use and drunk, sex-starved teenagers eager for wild, no-holds-barred orgies with Hillary Clinton supporters and AWOL soldiers. Karl Rove may be able to compete with your totally clever hand-painted signs, but not fat joints and free pussy!


Anyway, the School of the Americas Watch is throwing a big protest this weekend, November 17-19, at Fort Benning, Georgia, which will not be covered by the mainstream media unless Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt show up with their multi-cultural family. Which they won't. But maybe you will.

 

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