Note: Although this slog entry is dated Jan 10, when I started writing it (after Ortega's inauguration), it didn't actually go live until Jan 16, hence the information about events through Jan 15.

The tale of today's strange political bedfellows begins in the early 1950s, when (perhaps emboldened by the the 1953 death of Soviet General Secretary Joseph Stalin) the United States' increasingly paranoid post-WWII foreign policy came to a head, exploding as a nasty war in Korea and back-to-back, anti-democratic coups in Iran and Guatemala. Ever since, an irrepresable rogues' gallery known as the "Enemies of America" has grown increasingly colorful and numerous all over the world, with Asia, Latin America and the Middle East producing the most famous faces.

Yet, from the Sino-Soviet Split of the late 1950s, which shattered a logical strategic alliance between the Soviet Union and communist China, to today's conflict between radical Shia and Sunni Islam, organizations attempting to challenge US hegemony have always had a tough time sticking together (ignoring the recent, notable exception of the European Union). Latin America - with an almost common language, religion and culture (boy, am I oversimplifying) - always seemed likeliest to stand tough against US economic, military and political dominance. But no one said it would be easy.
 

Four out of five democratically elected leaders subsequently overthrown by the CIA (such as Time's 1951 Man of the Year, Iranian Prime Minister Mohammed Mossadegh, and Guatemalan President Jacobo Arbenz) agree: It's just cooler to be on the cover of the Rolling Stone.


The main problem facing [please choose one: starry-eyed idealists; uncompromising mass murderers; nationalist heroes] in Latin America and throughout the world wasn't necessarily the 1947 implementation of NSC 5412, a document detailing how US operatives could exploit fine philosophical differences among assorted enemies by inflaming and arming "opposing parties."  Sure, NSC 5412 mentioned the hearts and minds thing: "Strengthen the orientation toward the United States of the peoples and nations of the free world...favoring, where appropriate, those groups genuinely advocating or believing in the advancement of such mutual interests..."

But up until recently, that warm-fuzzy feeling directed toward the USA didn't require much actual marketing. Secular, anti-colonialist, anti-classist and replete with unabashedly tacky new money, the USA enjoyed almost two centuries with serious street cred as fair-minded and festive ally. This was less so in Latin America, of course, where a long history of interventions, US-backed dictators and other less-than-neighborly behavior had soured relations between Washington and the rest of the hemisphere.

Even here, however, the upwardly mobile middle class (or anyone with aspirations to join one) believed that if their own governments would just open their markets and cap social spending, per the US example, everyone who deserved it would have numerous household appliances and opportunities for advancement. Which is, in my opinion, the most important reason why well-armed Marxist/socialist movements in El Salvador, Guatemala, Peru, Colombia and elsewhere could not win. Sure, the fallout from NSC 5412 would eventually nurture today's anti-American leaders to power, but as the days of disco came to a close, goodwill toward US policy was still fairly strong. Well, except in Nicaragua.

The Knack's "My Sharona" was burning up the pop charts when Marxist guerrilla Daniel Ortega - just recently re-elected to the Nicaraguan presidency - rolled victorious into Managua on July 19, 1979, as part of the Junta of Five, the brand new revolutionary government of wartorn-but-dictatorship-free Nicaragua. But where could these fledgling anti-imperialists turn for allies, for economic and military support?

Cuba certainly cheered their friendly new neighbors on, but they were under US economic embargo and already depended on the Soviet Bloc for 80% of trade and subsidies. Worse, US President Carter, for some reason criticized for his lack of foreign policy acumen, had just established full diplomatic relations with China, and signed the SALT II treaty with the Soviet Union a month earlier. Neither communist party was going to screw things up by meddling in Central America.

It must have been frustrating for Ortega et al; perhaps they expected to be welcomed by the Communist International, and later joined in power by fellow Latin American leftists. But in 1979, that just wasn't in the cards. Where, oh where, Ortega must have asked himself, could he find other politically isolated, anti-imperialist revolutionaries with experience overthrowing US-backed dictators, but who had, say, vast petroleum reserves and perhaps a kick-ass airforce? Where, indeed.


Latin American socialists must get at least a little bit irritated that the Persian revolutionaries always snag Time's "Man of the Year" cover.

Why, just that January, Iran had overthrown its own hopelessly out-of-touch US-backed dictatorship, and their relatively democratic Shia Islamic Republic was scaring the screaming willies out of the tribal monarchies prefered by its Sunni Arab neighbors. Completely isolated, decidedly anti-American and floating on a sea of crude oil bigger than Cocibolca, Ortega must have at least thought about sending Khomeini a valentine.

But by the end of 1980, it was already too late for those could-have-been allies to talk treaties, or anything else. Iran was being plunged into one of history's more disturbingly horrific conflicts, while Nicaragua's brutal Contra War was smoldering on the horizon. It would take a group of Reagan loyalists fronted by FOX Television Personality Oliver North to bring the two revolutions together, via the Iran-Contra Affair. Though the Cold War's conclusion allowed peace in both nations, they were left too weak for much further anti-imperialist fervor. The United States, it seemed, had successfully protected its interests once again.

Flash forward 15 years: Latin America looks very different, and if you count Canada, socialist governments - almost all of which have come to power democratically - control most of the hemisphere. Moreover, much of the movement is supporting a bonified alpha male who just won re-election with a staggering 63% of the vote: Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, blowhard extroirdinaire, ordained by Fidel Castro himself, and the almost unchallenged leader of the Bolivarian Revolution.


This excellent red-state/blue-state breakdown of Latin America's 2006 election results quite fittingly uses red to designate the left-wing revolution, although I'd also color both Honduras and Costa Rica socialist, if not Bolivarian. Check it out at the BBC website for interactive information about each election.


Chavez has rivals within the Latino leftist community, of course; no one would call Brazillian President Lula da Silva or Chilean President Michelle Bachelet (whose father was tortured to death by yet another US-backed dictator) big fans of the blustery Venezuelan. But the Bolivarian Bloc does include, in addition to Hugo and Fidel, Bolivian President Evo Morales, Ecuadorean President Rafael Correa and Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega. Oh, and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Huh?


"So, my brother Mahmoud, who do you think will be Time magazine's 2006 'Man of the Year'?" "You, of course, my brother Hugo, because of that hillarious 'I Smell Sulfur' speech - I haven't laughed like that since we used to play spin-the-hostage back at university." "Oh, I think it will be you, my honorable friend, particularly if you can go weapons grade." "Who knows, dearest Hugo; even 69% of noble Americans [wink wink, nudge nudge] are enemies of US foreign policy these days, perhaps they will need to make everyone Man of the Year. Nice tie, by the way."


The obvious question is, "What in the hell do adherents of Islamic republicanism and Christ-centered socialism have to talk about, anyway (other than Time magazine)?" The obvious answer, of course, is which country's civilian population will be bombed back to the stone age as part of the War on Terror (well, that's assuming either of them cares). Heck, having the USA show that we really are disrespectful, oil-hungry warmongers is probably the only way Iran's incredibly unpopular and recently spanked fundamentalists could even win re-election at this point. And it's looking like we'll be there for them.

But isn't it still a bit counterintuitive? Maybe not. Islamic allies might actually play well in Latin America, in particular the Persian president, whose name is sometimes transliterated "Almadineyad" (alma means "soul" in Spanish), perfect for a religious fruitloop of any flavor. And of course, all things anti-American get props in those Latin nations that have suffered under US intervention, which is to say all of them. Hence the Osama bin Laden T-shirts (no joke).

Moreover, many Latin American Catholics seem to consider Islam more akin to Christianity 2.0 than an entirely different religion. As one friend eager to educate me explained, "Did you know that Jesus is in the Muslim Bible? But they don't think Mary was really a virgin [knowing grin]."  When casually petitioning God, people still say "ojalá" ("Ojalá that there is still money in my checking account"), a remnant of the Moorish conquest of Spain. And it's common knowledge that many early colonists were originally Moors who converted to Catholicism during the Spanish Inquisition, but relocated to the less oppressive Americas soon after. Art, architecture and nomenclature testify to their influence, apparent such cities as Merida, Mexico; Lima, Peru; and of course "La Gran Sultana," Granada, Nicaragua.

It wasn't those whispy reminders of a once common culture that had Sandista supporters so excited about an Iranian envoy to Ortega's inauguration, however. No, it was the more recent parallel histories linking two nations, two US-backed dictators overthrown, in part, by these two soldiers-turned-statesmen (arguably); it was the powerful symbolism of two revolutions born months apart and almost - but not quite - snuffed out by meddling imperialist pig-dogs the completely coincidental wars that followed. It was an angle that Chavez (but notably, not Ortega) would shamelessly work: "Our two revolutions, the Islamic Revolution and the Bolivarian Revolution in Venezuela, are in the end one, single fight."

And, while Ahmadinejad would have to take a raincheck on the big event, Hugo - fresh from his own swearing-in ceremony - flew straight from Caracas to Managua to show some love. In fact, Ortega's inauguration was actually delayed an hour because Hugo was running late. Ahem.

Other luminaries on hand included all the Central American presidents, Bolivian (and Bolivarian) President Evo Morales, US-friendly Colombian President Alvaro Uribe, ultra-sexy Spanish Crown Prince Felipe, embattled center-right Mexican President Felipe Calderon,  Vietnamese Prime Minister Nguyen Tan Dung, and Taiwanese President Chen Shui-bian, who is apparently worried that President Ortega might start selling lumber and other natural wonders of Nicaragua's poorly protected national parks to China, instead.

Also in the crowd (and one wonders what he did to piss Bush off) was US Health and Human Services Secretary Michael Leavitt, as well as representatives from Japan, Korea, Cuba and Russia, itself increasingly critical of (or is that "hostile to"?) US foreign policy. President Bush did come through with a phone call. Conspicuous by his absence? Lula.

But these were just the usual suspects. What most people were waiting for - well, those paying attention anyway, which evidentally didn't include the folks back home - was Ahmadinejad's arrival a few days later, and the promise of political fireworks. They wouldn't be disappointed.


You know Ahmadinejad wishes he got this kind of love back in Teheran (well, with more clothing), but he just doesn't.


Getting the party started with a Confab in Caracas, best friends 4-ever Hugo and Mahmoud began their reunion by declaring that there was just too much crude oil on the open market, and it was obviously time for OPEC to limit output. What to do with the increased oil revenue? Why, create a US$2 billion fund to help "those countries whose governments are making efforts to liberate themselves from the imperialist yoke," explained Chavez, helpfully adding, "Death to US imperialism!" for listeners unsure of exactly what sort of imperialist yoke he might be refering to.

Only then it was on to Nicaragua, where President Ortega took his Iranian counterpart on a jeep tour of Managua slums, where I do hope they stopped at that awesome little Persian restaurant above the tire shop just west of Plaza 19 de Julio - the one that turns into a disco bar after about 9:30pm. "We have to give each other a hand," said Ahmadinejad. "We have common interests, common enemies [italics mine] and common goals."


And, similar physiques, fashion sense and facial hair!

Ortega, who had just had a "friendly and polite" conversation with US President Bush a day earlier - and who is actually paying attention to his constituency's eagerness to avoid another decade of bloodshed - downplayed Ahmadinejad's bombast with a more milquetoast announcement of Nicaragua and Iran's "constructive agreements to fight hunger and poverty." Then they agreed to open embassies in each others' capitals, gave each other medals, discussed the US occupation of Iraq, and signed treaties stating that they would be freedom-loving allies forever. Awwww.

Finally, the whole Bolivarian gang headed south to Ecuador, where newly elected socialist revolutionary Rafael Correa was being sworn into the presidency of that country, which has long had strong ties with the US military. I'll do a slog about Correa and Manta later. Meanwhile, we can just watch as the stakes keep piling higher and higher.


I just thought this picture - of Chavez, Correa and Morales in traditional Andean garb - was cool.


Oh, and what were US citizens concerning themselves with while all this was happening? Well, the most emailed story in the New York Times was "What Shamu Taught Me About A Happy Marriage."

Sigh.

 

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